The other day I came across a quote from the actor Will Smith in an article. He stated : “You cannot make a person happy. You can make a person smile. You can make a person feel good. You can make a person laugh. But, whether or not a person is happy is deeply and totally and utterly out of your control.”
In other words there is not one person or being that you should depend on to make YOU happy. That quote really resonated with me because for so long I’ve put so much emphasis on depending on that one thing to make me happy. Whether it’s a person, thing or whatever it may be, I have relied on a particular thing or person to make me fully satisfied. Now that I think about it, it creates a lot of unnecessary burden and pressure when you are depending on a person to make you happy. It’s true that someone can aid in your happiness just like somebody can influence on whether or not you are angry or depressed. It feels better to be around or with someone that makes us feel good right?
When we go through break ups, it’s as if the whole world has ended and we may not feel like there isn’t really any other purpose since we built our lives around that person. Sometimes in relationships we forget what it is like to live outside of that individual. Instead of “I” there is a “we” which to be fair, does describe a partnership. However, we also mustn’t forget who we are as individuals inside of ourselves. If you lose your own identity and what makes you you, how can you ever possibly ever be happy? We get caught up on romanticized love in movies and books where the other person practically loses themselves in the other person.
The way I look at relationships now is totally different than how I have before. I believe that all of us deserve to have a companion we are in sync with, and someone that complements us in the best way possible. However that person should not, I repeat should not be your everything in the sense that you lose all aspects in yourself within this person. I’ve known people to shy away from friends and family to focus solely on whomever they are with, only to be left in the dust and feeling lifeless when it doesn’t work out with them. Whenever things aren’t going well with my love life, I have to constantly remind myself that my happiness doesn’t start or end with them. Your partner is supposed to be an asset to you and your journey through life, not a necessity. When you’re able to accept this fact and tell yourself that no one on this earth is solely responsible for your true happiness, you’re able to experience love in its true form.
By knowing that yes, it may be harder and even devastating to lose that person in your life, however you know that at the end of the day, it’s up to you to get up out of the bed every morning. It’s up to you to fuel your body with nutrients and enrich your soul. It’s up to you to continue to live. I want to emphasize the word live because there are so many of us who forget to do this. By technical terms we are living by breathing and having a heartbeat, however some of us are really living. We are just going through the motions and taking it day by day on autopilot.
We all have different situations in life but if we forget to live, we won’t ever get to experience fulfillment and true happiness. You’ll look to money or sex or even a partner to fill this void in our heart that can never be filled because you haven’t taken the step back and allowed yourself to consciously live each day. It’s hard to focus on living when you’re in a tough situation.
Sometimes we have to focus on certain aspects in our lives like money or family and so we put living on hold to try to survive. They think living only involves taking cruises or going on long vacations, which may help but once you tell yourself that you can’t afford to do that at this point in time or you’re not able to for whatever reason, it just puts you in a deeper state of depression. It’s easy to say “Well once I get money for this, I will start living.” You don’t have to have riches to live. Living can be something as simple as taking a walk in the park after a long week, reading a book or watching that movie you’ve been wanting to see, writing, taking a bath, volunteering or whatever the case may be. Living is different for many people because everyone has their own desires, wants and needs.
As I said before, you have to make a conscious effort to live because if you aren’t living, no one thing or person can fill that void in your heart to make you happy or fulfilled. It starts from you.