Who we are in the online world is only a fraction, most times less of who we really are as a person. I think nowadays we really get wrapped up into an online persona, so much that outside people are really convinced that they know, I mean really know the person. We are in the era of influencers to where people are posting content daily of what is happening with their lives, but even still we do not know that person.
I remember the whole fiasco with Beyoncé and Jay-Z happened in the elevator. I overheard a conversation that was happening between two middle aged women. The conversation sort of went like this:
Woman 1: Beyoncé knows she is out of Jay-Z’s league. She is with him because they both make that money.
Woman 2: I agree, she knows she can do better
Woman 1: Mmmhmm!
I’m sitting here wondering a lot of things but the first question thing that pops in my mind is “Wow these ladies must be really close with Beyoncé to know these personal details.” Sarcastic thoughts of course. Neither one of these women had ever come close to knowing or even speaking to Beyoncé. The point is this, we start to forget that people are people and that humans are complex with all kinds of emotions. But without further ado, here are some facts about me that the average person wouldn’t normally know
- I’m really shy
I like to go out and socialize and I have no problem starting up a conversation with anyone from a bird in the park to a CEO of a fortune 500 company. Okay well if it was Denzel Washington or Will Smith then yes, I would get choked up a bit. I hate being the center of attention and I don’t ever know what to do when I am getting praised or congratulated. But when I was growing up, I was super super quiet. I remember being in dance class and not every saying a word to anybody. I was so nervous and self-conscious that I just would resort to not talking to anybody.
The only people that I would talk to were my family and one or two close friends I had at the time. I didn’t really blossom until I had hit high school. I think that is where I started to branch out and finally talk more. However, the shy 6-year-old ballerina still lives within me. I still get nervous and in the era of social media and due to my interests and passions, I have no choice but to put myself out there and put down my walls.
That still doesn’t take away the fact that I’m extra shy! Fortunately, I’ve mastered the craft of hiding it really well over the years. Go me!
2. I’m a huge conspiracy theorist
Yes, I’m one of those people. I mean I don’t necessarily believe the earth is flat, however I do know there is more that goes on around us than what we are led to believe. I won’t get into too much detail since this isn’t a conspiracy blog by any means (I mean I can make it that!). I’ll just say that I read Vigilant Citizen from time to time.
Annnd maybe I’ve seen some documentaries here and there
3. I used to be a tomboy
Most people don’t believe this because I’m so girly now! But I used to despise anything girly growing up. Barbies did nothing for me, I was fascinated with wearing baggy clothing and my staple was a baseball cap, T-shirt and sneakers. For some strange reason, I went through a corduroy phase. So I ended up looking like some kind of farmer kid.
After corduroys I wanted to wear suspenders with everything. I even implemented suspenders into my catholic school uniform. To this day I couldn’t tell you why that even became my style
4. I fear failing…badly
Now this one keeps me up at night. I’ve always been a person with big dreams and I will admit that I’ve been lazy in the past. But sometimes I wonder what my life will be like 20 years from now. Will I be in the same predicament that I’m in? I’d like to think not. However, 10 years before now, I pictured my life differently so what would change? Well for one thing, I’m making different choices than I ever have so that at least gives me some sort of comfort.
I’m the sort of person who keeps quiet about my aspirations. I’d rather just do it than put it out on a platter. Because to be honest with you, if I told the average person all my dreams, they would sort of side eye me and say “Wow, okay,” which I get because I don’t just have one goal. I have a variety of them.
5. I always second guess myself
This goes back to point number 4 about myself. I believe I’ve second guessed myself since before I can remember. Even with writing this post, I am thinking in the back of my head Is this a good post? That’s probably why I was always so shy and quiet. When I was younger, I had really bad social anxiety. How did I sound? Did I say the right thing? What is that person going to think? So there were all these questions running through my head and that led to me wondering if I was ever good enough. Am I meant to be average? I have always wanted more for myself but I wasn’t always sure of how to get there.
I’ve gotten better at NOT second guessing myself and becoming more confident in my actions and words. However, there is still something lingering inside me and whispering in my ear asking this very question: “Can you really do this?” Before having any doubts, I respond with a swift YES.
6. I am kind of a blerd (black nerd)
I use this term loosely because everyone wants to call themselves nerds these days. It’s as if it’s cool to be a nerd. I am not unusually smart nor have I ever severely lacked social skills. I was just shy and awkward as a young girl and because of this, I looked to other things outside of socializing to fulfill that part of myself. For me growing up, I naturally was awkward, lanky, loved reading “Give Yourself Goosebumps” books, wrote fiction stories I made up about myself going on these random journeys for the fun of it, played all the Metal Gear and Final Fantasy Games, watched and read superhero stories, created Franchesca’s School For the Greats (I was the headmaster and my dog and some stuffed animals were the students), obsessed – And still do—over science fiction film and literature, Cosplayed before it was an actual thing and many other random stuff.
I didn’t look at it as being a “nerd” back then but a lot of the kids I was around would call it weird. Nobody knew my vices other than my parents who always accepted me for who I was. But I guess now I come off as a prom queen or princess which I find interesting because perspective is everything. We only see a miniscule of what people are truly like outside of online or social media.
6. I fear an imminent zombie apocalypse
Okay before you laugh, I mean a zombie apocalypse in a metaphoric sense. I foresee this world crumbling and destroying itself. This is why I know I must succeed to make sure my family and loved ones are taken care of, in case there is ever a national collapse. Part of this is due to the current times and what we are facing at this very moment. At the same time, there’s always been chaos in the world and it has managed to continue and pick itself back up. All of this could be paranoia, but I’d much rather be safe than sorry.
The news is filled with nothing but negativity and although I must remain aware of what is going on around me, I have to be sure that my spirit is in a good place as well. You know how they say to eat this or eat that in moderation? The same goes for your soul. If you’re constantly feeding your soul negativity, you’re going to end up feeling drained and in a limbo. I’ve overfed myself with constant toxicity and disheartening news, and still have a habit of doing so. I just have to remind myself to read more enriching things, take a break and refuel.
All in all, I want to leave a legacy and that is something that I also fear, which leads me to my next point.
7. I think a lot about death
Not in the depressing sense, but I always am conscious of the legacy I leave behind. I don’t want to be on this earth and have not fulfilled my purpose in life. I know that I have a long way to go, and I want to make sure I actually reach that destination. I know that I’ve wasted time in my life not working towards this end goal and now that I know what I have to do in order to remain on this route, I know that it is imperative that I remain focused, despite being thrown off track here and there.
I then wonder if a part of my soul or spirit will be left behind after I die, or will I just return to the universe and be a part of the circle of life as we know it? These are questions that pop in my head from time to time. I do know that I am going to make the best of what I have while I am here on this earth. We all, myself included can be hard on ourselves since we tend to be our biggest critics. What we don’t realize is how far we really have come. For me, I think about where I was a year ago from today, hell 2 months from today.
The truth is that we are always changing and we don’t realize that is the true legacy we are living for ourselves.