I’ve been in a dark place lately. Not the sort of dark where you don’t want to live or question life itself, but the type of dark where you question the universe’s decisions on who gets to live and who gets to die. I don’t consider myself a religious person, however I do believe in different realms, realities and entities. I know that everything is all intertwined even though it can’t be fully explained. I do believe that yes, there is a reason for everything even though we always wonder and try to figure out why.
I don’t think we are meant to possess all of the knowledge since it can be potentially dangerous. The reason why I’ve been feeling this way is because I feel like so much blood shed has happened lately. Some may say that this has always been the case so I’m not sure if it is because I’m older or less jaded or that for some reason it’s happening at a more rapid rate than usual. I think it’s because on top of mass killings in the media, there have been people that have passed that I’ve known and been close to.
The latter is unusual for me and since it’s happened so frequently lately, it has made me think about life much more than I normally do. Our time here is limited, whether we’d like to think so or not. We don’t wake up every day thinking that this is our last time on earth. In a morbid sense, there is someone out there getting out of bed in the morning for the last time, showering for the last time, tying their shoe for the last time, getting into their car for the last time, and kissing their loved one’s goodbye for the last time. We all live life as if we have so much more time to go.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t but at the same time I don’t think people look at life as precious as it truly is. We’re all unique built with our own souls that no one can take away from us, except for Grim Reaper himself. There are some people who live just in the moment with no ideas or plans on how to leave a legacy. Then there are other people who are fighting every day to leave a mark on this world. I’m not talking about anything grandeur causing you to have national fame (although that’d be amazing if it did), but more specifically self-fulfillment. Everyone’s mark is different. Someone’s mark could be starting that business they always wanted to start, or moving in the direction they’ve always wanted to career wise. Or it could mean finally starting a family of their own that they always wanted. In an ideal world, everyone would accomplish what they set out to achieve. I know that this isn’t always the case, in fact it’s not in in most cases but that could be the pessimist coming out of me.
The point that I’m trying to make is that, I know that I haven’t valued life like I should have. I have a habit of taking things for granted, not thinking about what would happen if some of the stuff I have just disappeared, this includes my loved ones and material possessions. I want to make sure that I am living and I feel like I’ve spent a lot of my life not living but surviving. Since we have no idea of the time, year, day or second that our lives will be cut short, why not live every day by making our mark. It’s not always easy to live, but I believe in doing something meaningful every day. Whether it’s actually saying hello to Martha, your elderly neighbor or telling a friend that you love and appreciate them, I believe that we should live every day as if it’s our last.
I used to think that saying was so cliché but now I take it to heart. When our time is up, that’s it and there’s no turning back. It’s out of our control and as much as we’d like to think we have control of our lives, we don’t have control over our time on this earth. We do however have an influence on it and it can determine whether that time is well spent or not. All I know is that I’m now looking at my life as rare jewel that must be used carefully and properly. We do only live once, so let’s make it count.